Research suggests that men now spend as much on beauty as women. So how high on the male grooming ladder are men willing to go in the quest to be body beautiful?
There comes a point in every boy’s life when he realises that it’s time to take his first step on the ladder of life and learn what it means to be a man. Yes, my son, I’m talking about shaving. Some of us are lucky of course, blessed with fine fair hair that even 10 years after holding our first razors only needs trimming twice a week. Others get five o’clock shadow – and all the girls – but have a much more rigorous daily routine. Hardly surprising then, that men fork out nearly £100 on shaving products every year, which according to a survey conducted by razor subscription service, Close Shave Society, puts us in line with women when it comes to spending our hard-earned cash on beauty.
But, isn’t it the reserve of a man not to look beautiful? Perhaps it is the word beauty that’s the problem. It seems so… girly but I can’t think of better one. The closest I get is grooming and but that doesn’t seem to cut it. Even though most women (and men) would file the Beckhams and Goslings of the world under the beautiful category, surely they would prefer to look dashing or handsome wouldn’t they?
Of course, we’re not just talking shaving here, rather any kind of body transformation. The male grooming ladder, after all, stretches from the lowly – but ever-so-satisfying – wet shave on the bottom rung to moob jobs and liposuction at the top. So, I ask myself: how high am I willing to climb?
THE FIRST STEP
I head in to Pall Mall Barbers for my first experience. I’m greeted by Ciaran who guides me through this masculine den of nostalgia to a barber’s chair in the back of the small but perfectly practical shop. He looks slightly intrigued that I am here for the DR Harris Wet Shave. I assume it’s because of my stubble or rather my lack there of. I explain that this pitiful excuse for a beard is in fact a whole 10 days of growth and that I fear I’ve made his job easy. Quite the reverse, I am informed, as my fair hair is harder to see and therefore a challenge for any cut-throat-razor wielder. I lay back and smile as my face is washed, hot towelled and shaving cream applied. Ciaran asks how often I shave and what I use. “You should always use cream as gels dry out the skin,” he offers in a rather bright tone, “and always wet shave.”
While trying not to move or gulp, as Ciaran takes the blade to my throat, I discover that he has never had any slip-ups. His confidence puts me at ease and his cheeriness banishes any thoughts of Sweeney Todd. After the pursing of top lip and the stretching of cheeks, any remaining foam is cleaned away and a balm applied to sooth my skin. I feel great, my face is smother than I can get with a four-blade and I hold my head a little higher as I thank Ciaran, pay up and walk out of the shop.
BEST FOOT FORWARD
My next shaky step on the ladder takes me to Nivea Haus Spa* in Dubai. “It’s so commonplace here”, my female friend assures me, “you’ll be lucky to get an appointment.” I soon see what she means as I’m informed that to have a manicure, pedicure and facial I will have to wait 3 days as the male spa is fully booked. When I sheepishly return I feel like an extra in one of those Carlsberg adverts, as I walk into what can only be described as a male grooming hub. I puff out my chest a little and feel strangely that I have boosted my testosterone level simply by walking in. I am soon a convert to the manicure – surely good-looking hands are a must for the boardroom handshake or even handing over my Clubcard in Tesco. The pedicure I’m not so keen on and neither is my therapist it seems as my over sensitive feet make it rather more of a “pedi-wrestle”.
After filling out a questionnaire about my skin and cleansing regime the facial begins with Nivea products selected for my skin type. My head also gets massaged, something I could definitely get used to, given a more handsome bank balance. “How was the pamper session?” my friend asks as I meet her in another part of The Dubai Mall. “Heaven,” I say, instantly regretting my choice of language and knowing, through my lack of protestation, that I have agreed that it was a pamper session. Still, I have to admit that I look and feel wonderful and no less manly.
WAX LYRICAL
Surely all modern men are not averse to a spot of manscaping with a shaver or the nail scissors but what about getting rid of the hair down there? For my next step up, I head to Groom for Men, a Cardiff-based salon, to give hair the heave-ho. It’s Thursday morning, 10 o’clock, and as I sink into a well-worn Chesterfield, Jason, the salon’s owner strolls in manhandling a bag of clean towels. He greets me with friendly enthusiasm and asks if I want a coffee. It’s Jason’s first day back after a holiday and he looks the every bit the picture of the healthy, groomed man.
I walk through the traditional barbershop to the treatment rooms before being shown into the waxing room. The decor (also Jason’s handiwork) feels like a gentlemen’s club of yesteryear with dark rich furnishings. We chat for a bit about what I want to achieve from today’s treatment; Speedo line, manzillion etc. “Arrows are popular with guys going to Ibiza… from their belly button to the top of their cock.” Jason says, but we agree that as this is my first time, I’ll stick with the Speedo line, “you get to keep your pants on then.” He leaves while I drop-trou and lay back on the bed.
“Ready?” he asks, “only, you look a little panicked.” Hardly surprising, I think to myself, as I’m about to let someone smother my nether regions in hot wax. Some clients prefer silence Jason tells me but I’m glad of the distraction as the hair and skin is cleansed before a light oil is applied. “Tell me if the wax is too hot?” he says as he applies the first strip. It’s fine and he makes a note on my treatment card so if I return he knows the right temperature. One… two… clench! It takes my breath away as the first strip comes off. In truth, it’s a lot less painful than I had expected and slowly my buttocks and jaw relax.
Jason has had his fair share of bad waxes – one of the reasons he opened Groom. “Men’s hair and skin is very different from a woman’s,” he says, “ So you have to use different wax and products and a lot of salons don’t do that.”
It’s over and I’m left to take a look to see if I’m happy. I must say I am (too bad that I’m never going to wear Speedos). Jason gives me some aftercare advice (no hot showers for two days) and sends me on my way with a solution to my beauty word conundrum. “I don’t use the word beauty. I prefer male maintenance.” I muse on this as I walk down the street, feeling oddly liberated: male maintenance, MANtenance. I ponder my climb on the ladder thus far and reluctantly peer up at the next rung. Just at that moment I remember something important. I’m scared of heights.
*since writing the Nivea Haus Spa located in The Dubai Mall has closed.
